My friend cuts and I don’t know how to help him


“My friend is cutting and I don’t know how to help them. I do not know what to do”.

I think the first thing we need to do is understand WHY people are cutting. FIRST we need to see it from their perspective to help them. We have to understand.

Why do people cut

People cut because they are going through something so traumatic and so painful that it is they want to distract from the pain, even for a moment, and redirect it to something else.

When they cut, they don’t focus on the emotional pain. The pain of a cut or a physical ailment becomes a target and helps them get through what they are dealing with.

It’s like drinking to escape the pain, or watching TV to escape life. People use different methods of escape. Cutting, getting drunk, taking drugs, watching TV to get away, overeating are all symptoms of the same problem: they want to get away from the pain they feel in their lives.

Another reason people cut is because they feel they deserve it. They feel guilty and no matter how guilty they feel, they feel they need to be punished, so cutting is a way of punishing yourself and self-punishing yourself.

How to help someone who cuts

Being a friend

There are some very simple things you can do to help someone who is cutting. Most of all, it’s about being a friend, listening and understanding. We often hide our pain, our failures, the things we struggle with. Mainly because when we share difficult things, people leave. People who leave are exactly the opposite of what they need.

This is very similar to dealing with helping someone with depression. They are struggling with a GREAT inner confusion and if you can help them talk to them, really and genuinely BE there for them by being a friend to them letting them know when they want to cut, day or night to call you, you really can make a huge impact.

I remember living in a homeless shelter and attending Christian counseling with my pastor’s wife. She told me I could call her anytime, even in the middle of the night, if my depression worsened. One time I called her at 3am and she was with me talking to me. THIS kind of friend we must be to others!

Use oils

Other things you can do is give them essential oils. A small sample is enough. When they feel particularly depressed, they may smell Melissa oil or Deep Blue essential oil. Just make sure it’s a medical grade oil, but these two oils are designed to help with depression and is very easy to combat.

Suicidal people should smell Melissa Oil. Works in 30 seconds! It helps a person who wants to take his own life to deal with and deal with these momentary, though extremely painful feelings.

Removes the “edge” just enough to go through the situation. This won’t make you stop being sad, although you can also take oils for sadness and deep regret (such as Deep Blue or Peppermint oil).

Giving them the gospel

You can be an amazing friend and help them get through it, and you can give them oils for those moments when they want to end it all, but HEALING of real PAIN comes only from Jesus Christ. There is no substitute. Everything else just lifts them up and gets them: Survival Mode.

Jesus Christ is a true Healer.

He’s the only one who can really heal their wounds, make them feel UNDERSTOOD. He knows their pain. He cares for their pain and loves them like no other human being, no matter how loving and understanding they are. The love of Jesus Christ far surpasses any other kind of love and EVERYONE needs it.

Give them the gospel. Give them a Bible. Give them a tract. Maybe they are already saved, maybe not.

Yes, Christians also go through depression. Christians are also tempted to commit suicide. Simply the PATTERN of a Christian’s life is not marked by these things all the time, but Christians are not free from pain and suffering. If you don’t believe it, do a deep study of Paul in the Bible.

Maybe they already have a Bible, encourage them to read it. Find a few verses that really fit their situation and encourage them to pray by asking God for help. Let them remember these verses and repeat them over and over when the times are bad.

Listen straight, God is close to those who suffer and suffer MORE than He is to those who do well. Why? Because Jesus WANTS to help. He wants to redeem and sometimes uses bad experiences to get people’s attention.

When I was at a homeless shelter going through all that I was going through, the scariest period of my life (before the trial with Kyle), it was extremely painful. But God USED these experiences to bring me closer to Him and ultimately win me to Him! After leaving the homeless shelter, I gave my life to Christ !!!!!!!!

Ask John MacArthur how he became a pastor ?! God allowed him to be thrown out of the car in a terrible car accident and in the hospital that lay unable to move and finally accepted his calling to be a pastor and look how the Lord has used him all these years !!!

God used my homelessness to get my attention, and God can use their breakage, their hurt, their emotional pain, all to draw them to Him as well. They need Him now more than anything else.

Maybe they’re mad at Him, maybe they don’t want Him, be an encouragement that God doesn’t hate them. God loves them. He has been tempted and tested in all the things we go through as a human, so he understands how they feel. Of course! He made them! He knows the pain they are struggling with. He feels it. He knows. He understands, and sometimes he is the only one who understands. 💯 It’s there for them. I want to help!





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